It’s not easy being the mother of one. I don’t mean the childrearing part. I mean the one part. The feeling the need to justify the one part.
A mother of six recently asked if we were planning on having more kids. I was caught off guard and not comfortable enough to share the real reasons why I’m hesitant to have more. I just told her we hadn’t made up our minds and that we were revisiting the subject in a year or two.
But here is what was running through my brain and what I really wanted to say…
Subjecting myself to any more hours of listening to The Power Rangers down the line is something I can’t handle. The next week is questionable in fact. And how many times does a mom have to say “turn it down” before it actually gets turned down?
And let’s not forget more months if not years (and let’s be honest…it’s years) of sleepless nights. Because if 2 AM crying jags follow the 1AM feet in my face routine, then the 5AM alarm clock is going out the window and QT better build a drive through fountain drink machine. (And seriously QT, a drive through fountain machine is just a plain good idea.)
Really, I’m not sure if my pocketbook can survive another child. Because with children come unplanned trips to Build-A-Bear and The Disney Store. The mall is a battlefield. Every parent is a soldier. And let me tell you, I’m not winning the battle. Even though every toy is the last one we’ll ever have to buy…promise! Yeah, right.
In six-year-old world I am quite often the “WORST MOM EVER.” Yes, in all caps. (The worst mom ever who bought yet another stuffed animal after a fitful night of sleep.) I don’t think my ego can take another offspring.
This may or may not sound snarky to you. I’m not trying to paint a negative picture of motherhood, but an accurate one. Accurate for me at least. It’s a wonderful thing. Hard but wonderful. It’s easy to forget the person, woman, wife you are when motherhood hits. It’s too easy to lose yourself. But it can be so awesome when you and your son can laugh until you cry at the singing antics of Miranda. (Yes, I’m a touched obsessed.) So sweet when he cuddles up with you late at night to read his (not so) scary chapter books. So fun when you can crank up the radio and start dancing silly in the kitchen with him.
So the subject of parenthood x2 is still open for visitation in a year or two. Because some days all I want is to enjoy a bubble bath in complete peace and quiet, and other days I want to dance silly in the kitchen. And in the end you do forget the 2AM feedings.
And to the mother of six, my answer to the “are you going to have more children” question will just depend on the day of the week you ask me.