Youâ€™re awesome! So you have me thinking now, and my comment is practically turning into a blog post, but hey, thatâ€™s life!
I honestly wanted to reply to your â€œwhat are you shakinâ€™?â€ plea but didnâ€™t and I donâ€™t even know why. I know I wasnâ€™t too busy and I know I was thinking about what Iâ€™d be shakinâ€™ and I know that I hate that I didnâ€™t respond because in my screwed up head responding would mean that Iâ€™m totally okay with how I look and really Iâ€™m not 100% okay with itâ€¦maybe 85%. But Iâ€™m working on it, really.
I hate that I think I look okay in my mindâ€™s eye, but then get depressed when I look in the mirror. I hate that I compare my body to every other womanâ€™s and my mood is dictated by how I view myself compared to others. I hate that I get that bitchy feel of elation when I see a woman that I look so much better than. I hate that I feel like crap when I stand next to some tanned and toned woman. I hate that I worry about all my parts and jiggles in the sack (TMI? Sorryâ€¦) I hate that I donâ€™t feel free with my body. I hate that I think everyone is looking at me and judging me when in reality we are only judging ourselves. I hate that even though I know this thinking is backward I still think it. So this summer Iâ€™m finally letting go of the hate and Iâ€™m shaking my legs and feet (I really like them!) and Iâ€™m going to shake my ass because my husband likes it. So screw all the â€œPoor me Iâ€™m so fatâ€ thoughts in my mindâ€¦Iâ€™m just going to have fun, enjoy my body, and shake.
Oh, and why do I blog? Iâ€™m starting to wonder that. I think Iâ€™m having a mid-blog crisis. I blog because itâ€™s an outlet for me. I get to preserve a little bit of my social history. I hate scrapbooking but I like to remember things. I want Beau to see what our life is all about. But now Iâ€™m in a rut and donâ€™t know what to do. I want to let out my other side on my blog, but Iâ€™m afraid to. Maybe I should try shaking that this summer.