You’re awesome! So you have me thinking now, and my comment is practically turning into a blog post, but hey, that’s life!
I honestly wanted to reply to your “what are you shakin’?” plea but didn’t and I don’t even know why. I know I wasn’t too busy and I know I was thinking about what I’d be shakin’ and I know that I hate that I didn’t respond because in my screwed up head responding would mean that I’m totally okay with how I look and really I’m not 100% okay with it…maybe 85%. But I’m working on it, really.
I hate that I think I look okay in my mind’s eye, but then get depressed when I look in the mirror. I hate that I compare my body to every other woman’s and my mood is dictated by how I view myself compared to others. I hate that I get that bitchy feel of elation when I see a woman that I look so much better than. I hate that I feel like crap when I stand next to some tanned and toned woman. I hate that I worry about all my parts and jiggles in the sack (TMI? Sorry…) I hate that I don’t feel free with my body. I hate that I think everyone is looking at me and judging me when in reality we are only judging ourselves. I hate that even though I know this thinking is backward I still think it. So this summer I’m finally letting go of the hate and I’m shaking my legs and feet (I really like them!) and I’m going to shake my ass because my husband likes it. So screw all the “Poor me I’m so fat” thoughts in my mind…I’m just going to have fun, enjoy my body, and shake.
Oh, and why do I blog? I’m starting to wonder that. I think I’m having a mid-blog crisis. I blog because it’s an outlet for me. I get to preserve a little bit of my social history. I hate scrapbooking but I like to remember things. I want Beau to see what our life is all about. But now I’m in a rut and don’t know what to do. I want to let out my other side on my blog, but I’m afraid to. Maybe I should try shaking that this summer.